Breaking Free from Childhood Trauma

Until I was in my late thirties I exhibited many of the symptoms associated with childhood trauma. It was only when confronted with the decision of whether or not to have a child, that I was forced to reevaluate my childhood and why I was still utilising coping mechanisms I had developed as a child.   These mechanisms included extreme need for control to keep my world safe and predictable and unconsciously taking on the role of parent because I perceived my parents to be inadequate in this regard.  Like many other victims of childhood trauma, I also had a morbid fear of ‘re-living’ my childhood should I have a child of my own.

When my childhood was re-examined with the aid of a psychologist, I gradually realised that my personal reality was somewhat at odds with objective reality. With the benefit of hindsight I was able to see that my perception of trauma exaggerated the actual events that had taken place. That’s not to say that my childhood was devoid of challenges, because it wasn’t. There were plenty of dramas in my dysfunctional family. From a relatively early age there was disharmony between my parents, I had a sibling who required a lot my of parent’s attention due to a disability, and money was always in short supply. However, such challenges shouldn’t have been sufficient to generate the symptoms of childhood trauma.  Why, then, had this been the case?

At the time of my sessions with the psychologist I had no real understanding of the underlying causes of my sense of childhood trauma.  However, I was able gain a more realistic perspective on my childhood experience and a better understanding of the challenges my parents had faced in parenting me.  A few years later, when I had a child of my own, I could see even more clearly how distorted my views had become.  Suddenly I had the ability to experience what my parents went through when I was a child.  There’s nothing like stepping into someone else’s shoes to gain a better understanding of their perspective. It is not reasonable to expect a child to have the ability to see the world through the eyes of his/her parents however, as an adult, we are capable of doing just that. Indeed, it is a necessary step on the road to healing whatever residue remains of our childhood wounds.

Whether real, imagined or somewhere in between, my perception of childhood trauma resulted in the development of a set of coping mechanisms that had served to ‘keep me safe’ in an unsafe world.  The problem is, they had long outlived their usefulness and were holding me back from living free and full existence.

So then to the question of why I had perceived my childhood to be so traumatic. One factor was most certainly the energetic template with which I was born.  For students of astrology, my moon is in the sign of Cancer, my sun in Scorpio and ascendant in Pisces – all highly sensitive water signs. I was born wired to experience emotion in technicolor!  Not that my parents knew this of course.  However, the different ways in which my siblings reacted to the same upbringing can in part be explained by our different energetic blueprints.

I believe a second, and equally important, reason for my perceived childhood trauma was a series of past and parallel life experiences which involved really serious childhood abuse.  How I came to receive these insights into other lives is a topic best explored in another post.  However, suffice to say that I am completely convinced that emotionally powerful experiences from other lives filter through to our present life and have profound effect on our beliefs, subconscious memories and behaviour. In my case, these past traumatic experiences triggered an emotionally overwrought response to a dysfunctional, but not abusive, childhood.  A consequence of this response was the development or re-engagement of dysfunctional coping mechanisms founded in the experience of past and/or parallel lives.

Hence, psychological childhood trauma – whether perceived or real – can have lasting consequences which reverberate across many lifetimes. It can arrest one’s emotional and spiritual development, lead to mental health issues (eg. anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, anger management issues), relationship difficulties (eg. lack of trust, extreme responses to perceived threats) and even manifest as physical impairment or disease (eg, panic attacks, excessive sweating, autoimmune diseases) caused by epigenetic triggers and/or the slow burn of chronic stress.

What then, if anything, can be done to help individuals who suffer from memories of childhood trauma?  Certainly, a willingness to consciously examine one’s own childhood in the light of adult maturity can help, as can psychological therapy and/or past life regression therapy by a qualified professional. However, many traumatic memories are stored deep within the tissues of our bodies and also need to be released with the assistance of an appropriately qualified physical therapist.

Three modalities which fall into this category are Neuro Emotional Technique (NET) (practiced by a range of therapists, but particularly by chiropractors with applied kinesiology training), Bowen Therapy and Myofascial release.  I have extensive personal experience of the first and, while the therapeutic results can be unsettling, its veracity is assured.  In my case at least, it also appeared to work just as effectively with past/parallel life memories as with current life experiences. I was told by my therapist that studies have shown this to be true for others as well providing the patient believes those past/parallel life experiences to be true. My limited exposure to the second technique suggests it may work better for individuals who may be further traumatised by confronting the reality of their past. It works by releasing memories stored in the muscle facia (a fibrous connective tissue which is present throughout the body).  The third therapy, Myofascial release, is not a modality I’ve experience firsthand. However, I understand that it helps release traumatic memories stored in facial tissues.

Finally, I have observed that anxiety associated with childhood trauma can be reduced through the consistent support of a respected role model who has successfully overcome the same challenges as the victim of trauma and thus serves as a role model to emulate.

When the symptoms of childhood trauma are recognised, and the root caused addressed, steps can be taken to alleviate or eliminate the symptoms, thereby freeing the victim to pursue his/her life with greater freedom and confidence.

 

Resources

Neuro Emotional Technique (NET)

https://www.netmindbody.com/more-information/for-mind-oriented-practitioners

Neuro Emotional Technique (NET) Australia

http://www.netaustralia.net.au/

Australian Kinesiology Association

Home

Bowen Therapy

http://www.bowtech.com

Myofascial Release

https://www.myofascialrelease.com/

 

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It’s not just Children with a Mental Illness that are Socially Isolated, it’s their Parents too

As a parent of a child with a mental illness I feel it is important to share my experience in order to raise the general  level of community awareness of the challenges faced by parents in this situation.

When my daughter was of an age to begin socialising with her peers she had mixed success.  In one environment she enjoyed playing with a couple of other children.  In another she was notably unsuccessful in finding any playmates.  As she began school she once again had mixed success but, as the years progressed and the gap widened between her social skills and those of her peers, play dates became rarer and the party invitations dried up.  Needless to say, this was heart breaking as a parent.  More heart breaking still were the taunts and blank stares directed at my daughter on a regular basis.  Clearly the greatest impact is on the child themselves.  To a child it is devastating to their self esteem and emotional well being to be socially ostracised.  Some may have the stalwart support of their parents, but  it doesn’t adequately compensate for the feeling of rejection they experience at the hands of their peers.  Unfortunately it can also exacerbate their mental health problems.

While the primary concern in this situation is for the child with the illness, it is also important to recognise the impact on his/her parents.  Parents of children with mental health issues are already under great strain in having to contend with the primary symptoms of the primary mental health condition.  In addition to this they also have to step up to the mark to address the impact of collateral damage caused by teasing, bullying and/or social rejection by peers.  This can include comforting the child, escalating incidents within the school environment and/or with the parents of other children , and dealing with the ongoing effects on their child’s self esteem.  In the end the parent not only has to play the role of carer, parent and nurse but also, quite often, that of friend as well.

In addition to these direct impacts on parents, there are also indirect social impacts.  This is due in the first instance to the additional demands placed on them as carers and also the inability to leave their child in the care of another adult.  It is also often a function of the child’s lack of friends, as a large proportion of a parent’s friends are usually the parents of their children’s friends.  Sometimes friends, and even members of the extended family, decide to limit their interaction with the family because of their inability or unwillingness to cope with the child’s behaviour.  Siblings of the child with a mental illness are often impacted in similar ways and this only adds to a parent’s concerns and burden of care.

The emotional impact of being socially marginalised poses a real risk to the parent’s own social and emotional well being.  This in turn poses a risk to the stability of their marriage and their ability to care for their disabled child.

For all of these reasons, it is as important to support the carers of mentally ill children as it is to support the child themselves.  Because it may not be possible (indeed is unlikely) for them to obtain this support via the usual avenues, additional community support is both needed and warranted. Greater understanding from the community would also go a long way towards supporting parents in their very challenging role of caring for children with a mental illness.  If it takes a village to raise a normal child, then it takes this and more to raise a child with a mental illness.

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